Ten songs that don't suck (1st edition)

Artist - Song Name
1.  The Silent Years - On Our Way Home
2.  Jukebox the Ghost - Hold it In
3.  Hot Chip - I feel Better
4.  Foreigner - Jukebox Hero
5.  Freelance Whales - Broken Horse
6.  Dropkick Murphys - Johnny, I Hardly Knew Ya
7.  Black Kids - I'm not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you
8.  Sound Team - Handful of Billions
9. I'm from Barcelona - Oversleeping
10. Neil Young - Harvest Moon

30 More ways to excuse your self for a little ... uhh yeah.

(1)Rub One Out
(2)Handle a Joystick
(3)Practice Advanced Fondling
(4)Refine the Deltoids
(5)Play Hit a Mole
(6)Catch Them All
(7)Panhandle in Seattle
(8)Take Care of Some Managerial Duties
(9)Populate the Barracks
(10)Skip Stones
(11)Dominate Pong
(12)Take a Slashing Penalty
(13)Enjoy Some Local Television
(14)Explore Magnetics
(15)Yo-yo
(16)Have Safe Sex
(17)Find myself
(18)Pave the Driveway
(19)Command and Conquer
(20)Get Drunk in Salt Lake City
(21)Aggressively Trim The Hedges
(22)Demand a Refund
(23)Combo Times Five
(24)Break the Sound Barrier
(25)Please the Pope
(26)Disrupt the Power Supply
(27)Watch Space Jam
(28)Perform Magic
(29)Mow the Egyptian Lawn
(30)Kill a Kitten

Caution! A trap. "Humor" used to incite reading of boring environmentalist spiel

What does a revolving door and a remorseful duck have in common?
Why did the Toaster Oven cross the road?
Who the hell gave Celine Dion a recording contract?
Is global warming a legit threat?
These questions all have something in common: the end answers are up for great debate, but once it is all said and done we have to keep investing in green energy alternatives (and thus we conclude the worst intro ever).
Oil and coal, two of the biggest energy sources of the world, are running out. Hell, something scarier, hydro power plants, the most popular source of clean energy are drying up, and they represent some perspectively frightening percentage of our worlds energy production (and thus we continue with doing no research at all).
Now unless you have no access to the Internet, and let's be honest that is not my target market, you have heard some discussion to renewable energy. You know, like windmills, tidal farms, nuclear plants, solar power and many other obscure methods.
Hey, check this shit out, a lot of people have no jobs right now. The government is starting a bunch of funded projects to give employment to those who need it. It's called creating jobs and stimulating the economy, I hear it is a hit in East Asia. How about while they are funding these projects, we make some of them related to the construction of efficient power plants.
The implementation of green energy isn't even about the environment anymore. All signs point to yes. Job creation, sustainability, economically efficient (some more than other obviously), security, human fucking curiosity. What ever happened to the fun race we used to be, where new stuff was cool and intriguing and we just wanted more of it. Now we are afraid of revolutionizing our energy. We are treating it like an abusive parent when we should be engaging it like nitro in a Ford Focus. Come on people, there isn't much we can do except become rich and dedicate our lives to it. But what we can do is be receptive to the alternatives. Stop bitching when they try and change the world for the better. Leave the crying eyes in the drawer for a while and embrace the marvelous change in humanity that could be taking place around us.
If you need one last reason, here it is; Europe is owning us. I hate losing to those disgustingly clean Europeans, but they are way on top in green energy. Even England just signed a contract to build the worlds largest tidal farm. God sakes, England!? Come on North America, let's get our shit together.

The Randomness Perspective

"I always set my alarm to a completeley random time to wake me up, like 8:23 or 8:19" He said
"Same...
but wait I just saw you set it to 8:00, that's not random" she replied
"It is if you are not being selectively random" was the retort
She paused to think...

Motion Sensors are like a warm beer

Today's population goes absolutely balls up for technology. I mean look at the Ipad, it's a piece of shit, but still everyone has to go buy one so they can say "Lol I have an Ipad I am much more intellect than you". What used to be a competition in lawn mowing and hedge trimming between neighbors has moved to a feat of who can buy the newest expensive gadget first. Speaking of which, I hate people who go through two or more cellphones a year, just because one becomes "outdated".
Businesses are also competitive. They have to attract people away from similar sellers to their own company. Fine, makes sense. But what used to be achieved through pricing and customer service is now done, in large part, with gadgets (real time chat with experts, express checkout, escalators instead of stairs - for you skeptics who think I am lying). Some places now will just load up every inch of their building with "technological advancements".There are many examples, some that I can't think of but I am sure you can, but the one that gets me the most, is the Motion Sensor.
Motion sensors are like a warm beer: looks cool from a distance but is utter disappointment in reality. Here is a short list to describe where Motion sensors should and shouldn't be. For readability purposes, I have uploaded it as a picture.

It's just ridiculous. Like yeah, Motion sensors are cool, I mean, a lot of old people like the WII, so they must be good for something. But to put them everywhere in our lives for "our convenience" is bush league. It's not so much the actual product that bugs me, but the demand.
"Oh I know, let's make that a motion sensor, that way people won't have to press anything for water"
"And let's make the monitor a motion sensor to, so that way every time someone walks by it, we can show our add!" (this usually doesn't work since it takes a split second to reboot and when it is displayed the guy has walked by).
I am not against technology, I think a lot of it is great. But god dammit has it ever made us lazy.
Oh, and as for you environmentalist that say the motion sensored lights are a sweet idea because they automatically turn off, how about we just teach our population to give two shits about anyone other than themselves and turn off the lights manually, like they did in the "goo' ole" 60's.
To conclude, let's stop buying ridiculous crap and save the little of our independent dignity that we still have left. Face.

The Most Evil Character Ever ... that you can relate to.

Read this somewhere just now, and although I have already posted today I don't feel like working on an IAS machine language assignment. I read that the best characters are those who the reader can related to. Thus, it is really challenging to write a very evil character in a story because the average reader will not be able to relate to him, at least not without being sympathetic. So, I rise to the challenge, and release what I hope will be the first installment of a lasting series on this blog. I call it ...
______________________________________________________________________________________________
The Adventure of Vince Vanderhauntyourdreams, the Evil Evilest that is Evil, yet easy to relate to.
Chapter 1, an Introduction.
"Aww Fudgesicle pudding!" Howled Dr. Vanderhauntyourdreams after hearing the lottery numbers on the radio, while stuck in Tuesday morning traffic. He threw his losing ticket out the window and punched a kitten in the face. "Littering!" he loudly exclaimed in his bitter solitude "one of the many small evil things I do!", he was shouting now "but you will see my full power when my master plan comes into focus". His voice came as a sonic boom. He was convinced he caught the eye of the old male driver adjacent to him in the standstill traffic. However now his cold judgmental eyes stared forward. Vince always had a hard time controlling his voice when he started talking evil.
He sat alone in his tiny Prius, that although small with little horsepower, was dreadful on gas. The faded sky-blue paint was the final touch on what made this car appear excessively flamboyant. Most on-lookers expect to spot n mildly-obese middle-aged women in a petunia dress behind the wheel, but get a pleasant chuckle when they see the tired-eyed middle age man with a permanent coffee stain on most of the shirts in his unvaried wardrobe. The rest of the drivers dignity is removed by the numerous bumper stickers that revealed either malicious or disturbing remarks. One had "I strongly disagree with your stance on abortion" in big glittery letters, while another one was simply black with a white lettered message that exclaimed "You're kids r failure". A final one read "Illegal Immigrants are god's gift to our nation".
There were gym clothes scattered around the back seat. But if his skinny 130 pound body wasn't an obvious indicator of their under-use, then the ever-growing pile of discarded candy wrappers that covered them were. In the passenger seat was an ugly lime-green duffel bag from 1982 that was full of kittens. Frequently he would remove one from the bag and assert his evil position of power by physically harming the adorable feline.
The painful morning commute to his crappy job took him just under an hour on most days. The grim building stood non-spectacularly at the bottom of a glum hill. Parking was savagely unavailable. However in the early days Vince found quite the solution. He had drawn up a handicapped parking pass, and stowed his car daily in one of two reserved spaces at the nearby "drug-rehab for the paraplegic" clinic.
Once in his building he still had to make his way to the fifth floor. To do so he would grab the elevator and take advantage of his terrible hygiene to ensure that his distaste for the start of the day was matched by all other passengers. He smelt like a robust mixture of burnt skunk and wet-dog farts. Finally on his floor, it was his last chance to spread his hatred among others. He would make his way to his desk by mixing foot shuffling with loud pounding steps. He met the rare greeting with either an audible grunt or an extended period of barking and growling that lead to violent foaming of the mouth.
Finally he sat down at his desk where he was supposed to perform miserable tasks for eight hours, but this time was usually spent plotting his next diabolically insane ultra evil plot.

I'll tell you what I hate about Magnets ...

Kids differ a lot. Some like to throw sand in the eyes of others, some like puppets. It's just one of those things. But something is common across all kids, there is nothing like a - or several - good toy(s). Toys were clutch. Either G.I. John, Pogs, a remote control car or an easy bake oven, I mean whatever floats your boat man. Remember as a child getting invited to a birthday party and going to buy a gift? It was so fucking easy; just pick up a toy. Even when twenty kids were at the same party, there was enough variety to ensure there would be nineteen different toys; and a goldfish. Some asshole always had to buy a goldfish. It's not like that now. As I approach my twenties buying a gift is treacherous. I have no idea what other people want, and keeping it under $20 is a nightmare. As my psychiatrist tells me "chocolate won't solve all your problems".
All kids have also, for one reason or another, played with magnets. It just kind of happened. You don't want to admit it, I see you there, all high and mighty "Nooo not me, I never played with magnets, is this blogger some kind of fag lol?". But, macho as you may try and be, I know, and I am ok with it. There was just something about them. They would attract and repulse each other like it was nobody's business. They could find loose change and paper clips but not wood or insects. It was science on a stick. But with all that, came this hatred, a bitter feud. It was like the nice guy at the party, who brought an extra keg (or cake, depending on your age), but no one liked him anyway. Magnets just kind of carried this shit attitude about what they did. It was arrogance with a touch of laziness. Magnets always felt like they were better than kids. They power trains in Japan, they are made from a stone called magnetite(Not to be confused with Magnemite) and they had no time to be messing around with our little games. Magnets always had this passive look to them, as if dreaming to be somewhere else. Not like that batman toy. He was ready. Sure, batman could be out saving the world from pandemics and global warming, but no, he was right there, with M. Cudddlesworth, enjoying a cup of mocha, or beating up on a plastic version of M. Freeze; look,I don't judge you for what you did as a kid, quit judging me.
All I am saying is that magnets aren't toys. They do not provide entertainment and using them is not an activity. They were fun in a stubbing your toe while walking in the dark with a tub of gasoline, and then spilling said gasoline onto a lit match just under your feet, thus igniting a flame and bringing you down in a painful fire kind of way. But despite having the enjoyment value of head lice, all kids experimented with magnets.
But the hours spent laughing and playing...
It's hard to decipher, but to conclude, they are probably the most bipolar toy on the market.
Ha! All that, just for a pun! Your move reader, your move.